Jasper was my baby. I found him at the factory where I worked, they were going to take him out and destroy him, but I told them I wanted him. He was a 7 month old black ball of fur. He never grew any bigger than he was then, but he was full of mischievousness.
I have 2 other cats, Scooter 6½ years and Cubby 14 years, and Jasper always thought that he was as big as they were. He would turn sideways and prance up to Scooter and then pounce on his head, and then take off running.
He got really sick right after Christmas 2000. He would sit at the water bowl and wait for me to fill it with fresh water. I was beginning to think that maybe he was diabetic, but then I started to watch him closer when I noticed that his paws were wet. He wasn't drinking the water, for some reason he could not sense the water, so he would rake it with his paw and then stick his nose in it and lick it off his nose. He became so dehydrated before I realized it. I called the vet and took him in, and he told me that Jasper had tumors in his kidneys. He said that I should put him to sleep, but I couldn't just let him go without trying to make him better. He gave me some antibiotics, and some vitamins. I took him home and had to feed and water him with a dropper.
I started to think that he was getting better, but he started to lose control of his bladder. He would sleep with me and I would wake up soaked because he couldn't seem to wake up to get to the litter box. I knew that he was getting worse, when I would try to give him water he would cry, he had sores in his little mouth from the ammonia caused by kidney failure. He had tumors the size of grapes in his kidneys. The vet said it was time to let him go. I held him, and the vet put the shot directly into his heart because he was so little (less than 3 pounds) and he was so dehydrated. He was gone instantly, and I thought I could handle it, but I was so wrong.
When I got home it really hit me what I had done. I thought that I would lose my mind. I kept thinking maybe I should have waited, maybe he would have gotten better, I still have times when it seems that I won't make it, but it gets easier with time. I have all the memories and I know that he is not in pain anymore. But I will always love him and miss him, and wish that I could turn back time and have him here again.