How Runner Killed the Yellow Tassel
There it was. The dreaded Yellow Tassel.
Runner had been looking for it for some time. She had hated it from the moment she knew it meant her pet human would not be paying attention to her for awhile. Runner had seen that thing that rested on the human's lap before, and it had that Yellow Tassel boldly waving in the breeze. Runner should have been resting in that lap, not that thing. Her pet said the Yellow Tassel was on the end of a thing called a "bookmark" and was necessary so the book wouldn't be dog-eared. Well, that was all Runner needed to hear.
Ha! Runner thought. Our humans think we can't understand their stupid language, but dog was enough for her to understand. If those dreaded Yellow Tassels were allowed to multiply, no decent feline would ever be safe and cuddled again. Her mission in life, from that day forward, would be to track down and destroy the dreaded Yellow Tassel. And today she had found it!
There, way up there. On top of the stack of things that sometimes rested in her place, sticking out from one of them, waving to her as if to taunt her. She would find a way to wipe that smirky smile off of its face. She paced, measuring the distance. She sat back to study and plan. She paced again, remeasuring, analyzing, thinking, planning. With one swift, springing leap she flew high into the air - and missed. Pacing again, she was thinking, planning, thinking, planning. Again she leaped. Flying through space, higher and higher, front paws outstretched, claws extended, and she touched it!! She did. She really, really touched it.
Flushed with success, Runner sat back and licked her paws. Eyes looking around, seeking applause..........huh? Finding none there, herself alone, she haughtily marched herself off to tell someone about her feat. Stupid human, (they make lousy pets), it actually thought Runner was talking about feet! Can't even speak meowese, these pets. Although to give Runner credit where credit was due, says Runner, she tried hard enough to teach it.
The only thing to do now was to totally destroy the Yellow Tassel and bring it as a trophy to her pet. Since this was going to require much planning, she'd better take a nap and study on it. Yup, that's what she'd do. Study on it.
Nap over, plan resolved, Runner stretched one way and then another. Postured this way, then another. Any respectable feline would have known that an attack was imminent, but not that human. Runner posed, pranced, showed off her mighty claws, held that huge, bushy tail high in the follow-me attitude. Human paid no nevermind. Not even a glance. So Runner gave out a mighty ROAR! Human said "hungry sweetie?". Aaaaahhhhhhhhhgggggggg. With disdain, Runner curled her lip and showed the mightiest weapon of all, her fangs. The human never even moved its eyes from that machine. I'll just show it, Runner thought, that's what I'll do, just show it. And off to the attack she went.
She judged her distance just so, gathered her muscles just so, tensed, wiggled her muscles into just the right position and.........leaped!! Higher than ever before, further than ever before, the Yellow Tassel fixed firmly in her sight, Runner sprang. And Got It! Just as her fangs closed over the wispy stuff ....something went horribly wrong. Down came Runner, and down came those things with Runner. One crashed before she did, she crashed on it, one crashed on her, ouch, then another.........she hollered, they boomed, the human screamed and then...silence......
BUT! as Runner picked herself up, she had the dreaded Yellow Tassel firmly in her jaws of death. She shook her head, growled, sinking her fangs into that stuff, tearing it to pieces, shredding it to bits. Totally destroying it. Saving the cat race from affection extinction.
She held the remnants of the thing called the bookmark, Yellow Tassel in shreds, in her gallant jaws and carried it in victory to her human. But something was wrong with that human. It was convulsing, holding its stomach, shaking its shoulders, sitting on the floor rocking. As Runner's jaws dropped in surprise, Yellow Tassel falling to the floor, the human opened its arms and scooped the kitty up. Hugging and holding her, the human tried to explain to Runner that it was so proud of her.
So, that's what it was doing, thought Runner, with all of those convulsions and posturings and carrying-ons, being proud. What a relief! Sheesh, if you want to be proud of me, instead of all that, why not just do what I've been trying to teach you to do.........stick your tail up in the air and show how proud you are!!
So that's how Runner Killed The Yellow Tassel and Saved The World.
This story is reprinted here with permission of the author, Karel Bergstrom. Please visit Karel's Restless Legs Syndrome support site, Nightwalkers to read more of her stories and for the story behind the stories.